Well, huh
by turd
Summary: In which plot holes are pointed out, the rules of the Supernatural world are questioned, and characters learn that their lives don't have to be so complicated. Chapter 1: Zach realizes that getting Dean to say yes to Michael was easier than he thought. Pretty crackish. Gen.


**Basically just starting a series where I question the world of Supernatural. **

**I'm not bashing the show at all, I would love the stupid thing to pieces even if the 17th season consisted of everyone blowing raspberries at one another. **

**And the show would suck if the characters actually did these things, because stupid things happen in shows to make things more interesting to watch.  
**

**Sorry my other fic hasn't been updated in forever again. One day, I promise...**

**This first chapter is in season 5 when Zach and company are trying to get Dean to say yes to Michael. I never understood why it was so hard for them to do.**

* * *

**Chapter 1: Getting Dean to say yes**

"If you don't mind my asking, Mister Zachariah sir..." the angel standing next to him began. Zachariah wasn't quite sure what his name was, but it was probably something stupid and difficult to spell, like most angelic names.

"Hm?" Zachariah grunted, clearly in a sour mood. Despite his best efforts, that bipedal insect Dean had continued to refuse Michael and was making Zachariah look like a fool.

"You, uh, you don't actually care about human lives, right sir?"

"Not any more than I care about a baboon's toe fungus."

"But Dean does. Care about human lives, I mean."

"Yes. Where are you going with this?"

Zachariah's underling frowned. "Okay. Just making sure. Because, I mean, I feel like getting the human to say yes is... well, sort of easy?"

Zachariah would have smote the other angel right there if it weren't for his curiosity.

"I'll bite. How would you go about getting Dean to say yes? Better yet, how would you find him in the first place with those damn Enochian wards protecting his location?"

"I do have a couple suggestions..."

* * *

Dean flipped on the radio to prevent Sam's bitching face that he could tell was emerging as soon as the 36th Led Zeppelin song in a row started to play. All the radio channels were playing the same breaking news report.

"...The kidnappers are, tragically, staying true to their promise of killing one child hostage every hour until, and we quote, 'Sam and Dean Winchester say yes'," the newscaster said through the static. "No one is sure how these people managed to take so many children from all around the country in such a short time, but police tells CW News that the kidnappers are holding at least three hundred children hostage and have had no success with negotiating..."

AND THEN SAM AND DEAN AND CAS AND BOBBY TRIED TO SAVE THE CHILDREN BUT THE ANGELS USED THE CHILDREN AS SHIELDS AND EVENTUALLY DEAN SAID YES TO MICHAEL SO THEY WOULD LET GO OF THE CHILDREN.

IT WAS SO EASY

**or**

Dean and Sam had Enochian symbols hiding them from angels carved into the ribcages.

But Bobby Singer didn't.

The angels found him pretty easily. They decided not to beat him up though, because he was already in a wheelchair and really, wasn't that just off limits?

Instead they followed him around (It was super easy to follow a drunkard in a wheelchair. Plus, angels could turn invisible.) until he led them to the Winchesters themselves.

THEN THE ANGELS SWOOPED IN AND MODIFIED THEIR MEMORIES (because why wouldn't you take advantage of this power more) SO THAT THEY WOULD THINK MICHAEL WAS AWESOME AND THEN DEAN SAID YES.

'TWAS SO EASY

* * *

"...And time travel!" Zachariah's underling exclaimed, waving his arms over his head. "I mean, I know it drains energy or something, but under the circumstances, I think that now is as urgent a circumstance as ever to use that ability to our advantage?!"

Zachariah rolled his eyes. "You were doing well for a while there. But you do know that no matter what we do, we can't change the past—"

"Yes, and aren't the three sisters of Fate the main reason for that, who try to make sure destiny goes as planned? Can I remind you that Heaven's armory contains a sword that is _specifically designed to kill the Fate sisters and serves no other purpose and has never been used ever._"

Zachariah furrowed his brow.

"Wow. That's actually... fairly reasonable. What's your name again, kid?"

"Turd."

"What?"

"Just a fan of the show."

"What?"

"Don't worry about it."

* * *

**Seriously, I would just wipe out one city at a time until Dean said yes. He's got too much of a hero complex to not save hostages.**

**Don't worry, this isn't a self-insert fantasy or anything. I don't even know why I added that last part I'm just feeling random. And I don't think all the chapters will have that tinge of manic rage that this one seems to have.  
**

**This series will probably continue because there are so many questions I have about Supernatural.**

**Why did Dean's face change so drastically every couple years in his childhood but his outfit never did? How does Dean know that Sam cries through sex? Does Sam actually cry through sex?**

**These are all examples of questions that I will _not_ be addressing :D**

**So stay tuned**


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